Two years ago I went to the long night of university at KG 2 to stay at the stand of Fossil Free Freiburg.

At that time, I was a new arrived student at the city, who just returned from CoP 23 in Bonn. I planned of joining international renewable energy projects, anywhere but Taiwan.

That night I met Miri, who also arrived to the city shortly then. Still vivid pieces of memories, we shared experiences of our involvements in climate actions in previous universities and the effectiveness of actions in a top-bottom event such as CoP.

Although we did not know yet, in the next two years a sense of comradeship grew between us, as we got ourselves involved in actions together again and again. She would introduce me to the climate action circles around Germany, and, occasionally when I was in trouble in my private life, bail me out in some situations.

Also at that night, seeing our banner and demands, a men went to me, questioning the feasibility of a grid without fossil fuel power plants. It was the only time I confronted a skeptic in person in Germany; I was more talkative and keen to know people’s opinion these days.

Recently I have been imagining what life could be, if I decided to stay in this city or Berlin for the next few years. It must be a more relaxed and luxury life than the one I will have soon. How lovely would it be if I could continue to participate in all those mini-events without feeling too much pressure!

But the time and experience I had two years ago could never return. Last night when I attended to the long night again, there were no stands this time. I listened to a short talk from a math professor; for some reasons he believed the audience did not know Fourier series beforehand but was able to comprehend a toy proof of Legendre conjecture in 5 seconds. Then I left the same auditorium where the welcome speech for international students were always held, probably for the last time.

Time surely has changed the world around us, but mostly it has changed us. Now I am barely the same person who had helped found the sustainable branch inside student governments and introduce divestment discussions into the campuses during undergraduate; nor am I the same person who sneaked through the picket lines in the most urgent hours to save the forests from coal mining in Rhineland.

Part of me still says ‘’no’’ to all the happening changes, and others that are about to come; I have never been mentally prepared yet to imagine a permanent life in Taiwan ever since last November. But part of me now gradually realizes, that at this very moment of history, returning to Taiwan is perhaps the best thing I can do, in terms of the contribution I could achieve to both the local and the global level.

I did not make many friends during my two year stay. But for those whom I truly befriended with, I find it very hard to imagine a life not seeing them anymore. I think some of my heart will always be by them, in a country 9000 kilometers from mine. The flip side of the story is, this nostalgia will probably also always remind me what cause I am truly fighting for, no matter how the outside world changes.